well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
