i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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