I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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