I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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