I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
