I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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