enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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