woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
