I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
