Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
