I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
