Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And then my night got REAL pukey
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
