i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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