I wannas sexs uuuuu
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize