I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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