we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im holly from the hills drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
