All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize