My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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