I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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