wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
