I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
