dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
