mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
