I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
