Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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