If i come over, it means nothing
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
