Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
