please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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