dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize