Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
