im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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