when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
