It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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