There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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