he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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