Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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