Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I believe in your delicious
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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