my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
