Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
