i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
