We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
