Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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