you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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