Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
