Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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