you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
