I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
