Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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