I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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