my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
