If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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