I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
