The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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