its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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