my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
