Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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