I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need water and some morals
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
