i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
