So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
