i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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