hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
