Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
