doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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