My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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