six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
