I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were birth control emojis
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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