ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Small penises have feelings too.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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