So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
