Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
