And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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