I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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