I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
