just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
