She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
