Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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