im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
