Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
