i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
