don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
