Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
