If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
